{"id":1164146,"date":"2025-11-14T06:03:54","date_gmt":"2025-11-14T11:03:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/?p=1164146"},"modified":"2025-11-14T06:03:55","modified_gmt":"2025-11-14T11:03:55","slug":"why-narcissists-destroy-so-deeply","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/sabrina-bendory\/2025\/11\/why-narcissists-destroy-so-deeply\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Narcissists Destroy So Deeply"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This essay is an excerpt from the book Detached<\/a><\/em> by author Sabrina Alexis Bendory<\/a>. You can read the full book here<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Narcissists destroy so deeply because they target your deepest insecurities\u2014your need to be loved, seen, or enough\u2014and use them against you. They don\u2019t just break your heart, they crush your spirit and make you question whether you\u2019re worthy of love at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
A passage from Detached<\/em> on Love vs. Limerence.<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

This betrayal of your vulnerability creates a wound that feels personal, as if you were uniquely flawed, when in reality, it\u2019s their pathology at play. Their love-bombing hooks you, their devaluation dismantles you, and their discard leaves you grappling with both the loss of the relationship and the loss of trust in yourself. The trauma bond they create keeps you tethered, even when you know they\u2019re toxic, making detachment feel like an amputation of your very identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the discard isn\u2019t the worst part. The worst part is what it does to you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You start thinking, \u201cHow could someone who said they saw my soul treat me like this?\u201d You replay every conversation. You write out long texts and impassioned arguments that make total sense\u2014but somehow, they never seem to land. They deflect. They twist. They make you feel crazy. They will whip up any sort of word salad to make themselves seem completely innocent and you seem completely unhinged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They were quick to anger? That\u2019s because you\u2019re being difficult and pushing buttons. Caught them flirting with someone else? That\u2019s because you aren\u2019t satisfying their needs. They disappeared for days? That\u2019s because you\u2019re too clingy. They insulted your dreams? That\u2019s because you\u2019re not being realistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You think if you just explain it better, say it more clearly, present the evidence, they\u2019ll finally see the light. But they don\u2019t. They never do. And every time you try, you feel smaller until you feel like nothing.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a>
For more writing like this, you should read the book DETACHED<\/a>. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, you stop fighting. Not because you\u2019ve healed\u2014but because you\u2019re exhausted. And that\u2019s exactly what they want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This essay is an excerpt from the book Detached by author Sabrina Alexis Bendory. You can read the full book here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":186664084,"featured_media":1164150,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"thoughtcatalog_call_to_action":"","tc_post_redirect":"","thoughtcatalog_is_sponsored_content":"0","footnotes":""},"categories":[603229949,603229912],"tags":[],"anchortext":[],"posttemplate":[],"adcampaign":[],"coauthors":[603229922],"class_list":["post-1164146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health","category-relationships"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Why-Narcissists-Destroy-So-Deeply.jpg","author_meta":null,"photo_credit":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1164146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/186664084"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1164146"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1164146\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1164151,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1164146\/revisions\/1164151"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1164150"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1164146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1164146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1164146"},{"taxonomy":"anchortext","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/anchortext?post=1164146"},{"taxonomy":"posttemplate","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posttemplate?post=1164146"},{"taxonomy":"adcampaign","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adcampaign?post=1164146"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=1164146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}