{"id":1179681,"date":"2025-12-31T15:03:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-31T20:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/?p=1179681"},"modified":"2025-12-30T11:07:29","modified_gmt":"2025-12-30T16:07:29","slug":"sarcasm-can-be-a-red-flag-of-psychopathy-according-to-research-how-it-looks-in-toxic-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/shahida-arabi\/2025\/12\/sarcasm-can-be-a-red-flag-of-psychopathy-according-to-research-how-it-looks-in-toxic-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Sarcasm Can Be A Red Flag Of Psychopathy, According To Research\u2014How It Looks In Toxic Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Fluent in sarcasm? That can actually be a potential red flag of psychopathy, according to research. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0191886922002719\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">A 2022 study<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">of 715 adults conducted by Dr. Alberto Dionigi and colleagues revealed that psychopathy was most strongly correlated with \u201cmockery\u201d forms of humor such as satire, cynicism, and you guessed it \u2013 sarcasm. Psychopathy is characterized by callous-unemotional traits, instrumental aggression, a lack of empathy, a lack of remorse, superficial and glib charm, reckless behavior that harms self or others, and in some cases, criminal behavior.<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">In this study, sarcasm was a humor style based on being critical of others and conveying contempt. Previous <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/33912091\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">studies<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">also support the fact that psychopathy is related to aggressive forms of humor that are characterized by a lack of empathy and egocentrism, such as making disparaging jokes as an intentional way to manipulate someone.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/22559907\/\">Psychopathic personality traits<\/a> are also strongly related to the enjoyment of laughing at others and this is linked to the callousness and manipulativeness aspects of these traits.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>A caveat: there is obviously a difference <\/strong><span data-contrast=\"auto\"><strong>between using sarcasm as a \u201cspice\u201d to your jokes occasionally, and a whole other affair to use sarcasm to persistently demean, bully and manipulate the people around you.<\/strong> There may be nothing wrong with making an innocent sarcastic comment here or there that other people laugh at and mutually enjoy. But if no one\u2019s joining in on your \u201cfun\u201d and people around you are begging you to be kinder and less patronizing, chances are you\u2019re engaging in red-flag behavior.&nbsp;<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\"><span class=\"EOP SCXW228685528 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\"><span class=\"TextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW170462837 BCX0\">Psychopaths<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> can engage in sarcasm for harmful reasons. <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">According to <\/span><\/span><a class=\"Hyperlink SCXW170462837 BCX0\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hare.org\/scales\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><span class=\"TextRun Underlined SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"Hyperlink\">Dr. Robert Hare\u2019s<\/span><\/span><\/a><span class=\"TextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> psychopathy checklist, <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW170462837 BCX0\">psychopaths<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">are prone to <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">boredom<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> and need constant stimulation. To <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">obtain<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> that stimulation, they <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">may<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> engage in reckless behaviors and <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">manufacture <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">chaos on purpose. <\/span><\/span><a class=\"Hyperlink SCXW170462837 BCX0\" href=\"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/shahida-arabi\/2023\/02\/sadistic-cat-and-mouse-games-narcissists-and-psychopaths-play\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><span class=\"TextRun Underlined SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"Hyperlink\">Neuroscience studies<\/span><\/span><\/a><span class=\"TextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> indicate they <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">may<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> even find <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">witnessing or causing <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">the pain of others rewarding. Their sarcastic jabs at others can be tailored to create that chaos and gain that sense of reward. They might also find it easier to use sarcasm to communicate their contempt for a victim and take them down a peg or two, especially if that victim <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">challenges<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> their sense of entitlement or arouses <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW170462837 BCX0\">their<\/span> <\/span><a class=\"Hyperlink SCXW170462837 BCX0\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5843025\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><span class=\"TextRun Underlined SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"Hyperlink\">malicious envy<\/span><\/span><\/a><span class=\"TextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">. <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">We <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">also <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">know <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">from <\/span><\/span><a class=\"Hyperlink SCXW170462837 BCX0\" href=\"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/shahida-arabi\/2023\/01\/relationships-with-narcissists-can-cause-ptsd-symptoms-a-new-research-study-finds\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><span class=\"TextRun Underlined SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"Hyperlink\">research<\/span><\/span><\/a><span class=\"TextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> that<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> relationships with narcissistic and <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW170462837 BCX0\">psychopathic<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> partners can cause PTSD. Sarcasm can <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">certainly <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">be weaponized as <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">one of the manipulation<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> tool<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">s<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> in a larger pattern of <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW170462837 BCX0\">the <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW170462837 BCX0\">emotional<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">and psychological <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">abuse<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\"> that makes relationships with these pathological types so exhausting and traumatizing<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW170462837 BCX0\">.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><span class=\"TextRun MacChromeBold SCXW226777747 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">I asked people who had been in relationships with <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW226777747 BCX0\">psychopathic<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\"> partners <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">to describe <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">their experiences <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">with<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">how their partners used sarcasm in the relationship<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">. <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">Here\u2019s<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\"> what they had to say<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\"> and the patterns that <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">emerged<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\"> about the way sarcasm was used in this relationship to manipulate them<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW226777747 BCX0\">:<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW226777747 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"sarcasm-can-be-used-to-gaslight-and-can-escalate-during-the-relationship\"><span class=\"TextRun MacChromeBold SCXW246922816 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW246922816 BCX0\">Sarcasm can be used to gaslight and can escalate during the relationship.<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW246922816 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">\u201cSarcasm was always there, but it <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW141196800 BCX0\">definitely escalated<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\"> during later phases of the relationship. Sarcasm was often used as a subtle way to minimize my feelings or put me down. If I challenged the sarcastic remarks in any way, then I was told that I\u202fneeded to lighten up and learn to take a joke. This behavior, over time, slowly made me question my own <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">perception<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">, ignore my own feelings, and I even began to believe what he told me (like I <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">can\u2019t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\"> take a joke, for example). It turns out, I <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW141196800 BCX0\">actually love<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\"> joking around. I just <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">don\u2019t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\"> like manipulation wearing the cowardly disguise of sarcasm or jokes. There is <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">a big difference<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">. Jokes <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\">shouldn\u2019t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW141196800 BCX0\"> make you feel bad.\u201d&nbsp; \u2014<strong>Erin<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"sarcasm-can-be-used-with-plausible-deniability-to-make-you-doubt-yourself\"><span class=\"TextRun MacChromeBold SCXW183012732 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW183012732 BCX0\">Sarcasm can be used with plausible deniability to make you doubt <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW183012732 BCX0\">yourself<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW183012732 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\">.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cSarcasm and humor are weaponized by them in a multifaceted way. Plausible deniability is one way. They can say or do something awful, but if it\u2019s a joke, you\u2019ll never prove their true intentions. It\u2019s helpful in getting you to doubt yourself, making you feel like a prude or uptight person, someone who\u2019s insecure, not fun, too much trauma in your bag. With anything from sexual demands, flirting with other people, triangulating you, they will almost always use a cruel and mocking form of sarcasm to respond to any of your pleas for decency, clarity, kindness or understanding. Then they get that secondary supply from another target which is when you finally just break down and cry and beg for mercy and want to end yourself. At that point they will look at you and tell you that you are to blame for all escalations, that your emotions are purely from some other previous experience. You\u2019ll wind up feeling you need help, you can\u2019t just take a joke, you can\u2019t just let your partner verbally destroy you and let it pass\u2026 they\u2019ll tell you those things are \u201cnormal\u201d and you need too much special care.\u201d<\/span>\u2014<span data-contrast=\"auto\"><strong>Bonnie<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cSarcasm was used widely and often as a means to gaslight, groom and destabilize. Sarcasm works well with plausible deniability. True story: the malignant narcissist literally sent me a can of cow dung for Valentine\u2019s, as he lives in a farm with no shortage of animal dung. I complain about nature of this \u2018gift\u2019. He then counters with, \u201cJeez, where is your sense of humor?\u201d So this sarcastic gesture is a dual weapon: it upsets victim then is used to further victimize when the victim objects. Sarcasm will also be freely used when delivering praise, so the praise is rendered meaningless. Sarcasm is definitely a useful tool with the capacity of a swiss knife.\u201d <strong>\u2014One<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"sarcasm-can-be-used-to-depict-you-unfavorably-while-boosting-the-psychopath-s-sense-of-superiority-or-self-image\"><span class=\"TextRun MacChromeBold SCXW125904946 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW125904946 BCX0\">Sarcasm can be used to depict you <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW125904946 BCX0\">unfavorably<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW125904946 BCX0\"> while boosting the <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW125904946 BCX0\">psychopath\u2019s<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW125904946 BCX0\">sense of superiority or <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW125904946 BCX0\">self-image.<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">\u201c<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">I think if they start to act sarcastically early, they <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">don&#8217;t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> have to understand you, which conveniently serves their self-image. They can just snapshot you<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> and <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">fit you into a stereotype<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">. If <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">you <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">can&#8217;t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> prove otherwise and get frustrated after a while,<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">that just serves to prove their point. So<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">,<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> they start<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> on <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW253136730 BCX0\">the sarcasm<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> as early as possible &#8211;<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">even <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW253136730 BCX0\">in<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> the first day<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">&#8211; to protect themselves from reality. It is often not notic<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">e<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">able at that stage, or even if you notice, you <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">can&#8217;t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> respond or get gaslighted when you do. You are not given a chance to explain your whole, nuanced opinion. After they reach you and trigger you, you are marked as <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW253136730 BCX0\">the<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> unreasonable person.<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> It gets worse after they gain leverage (by isolating you socially by punishing your social interactions, getting to know you). <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">It makes a person doubt <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">other people<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\"> and be on edge all the time even after relationship ends which is very damaging.<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW253136730 BCX0\">\u201d <strong>\u2014Ozan<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"sarcasm-can-also-be-weaponized-to-escape-accountability-and-to-bully-and-insult-you\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261523941 BCX0\">Sarcasm can <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261523941 BCX0\">also <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261523941 BCX0\">be weaponized to escape accountability and to bully<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261523941 BCX0\"> and insult <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261523941 BCX0\">you.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cSarcasm was one tactic used when feeling trapped or caught out, when the guilt of his own actions becomes insurmountable. It took some time before he was bold or drunk enough to verbalize these thoughts to me.\u202fIt was absolutely used to bully and manipulate, in order to reinforce a smokescreen between reality and himself, in order to unsee that he is becoming his tormentors and his own tormentor.\u202f It used to confuse me and send me into a spiral of self-doubt and fear of existential harm.\u201d <strong>\u2014Rach<\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cMy ex had a genius level IQ and was quite proud of his sarcastic abilities. When I would explain to him how hurtful it was, I was the problem because I was too sensitive. He was just exercising his \u2018wit.\u2019 It started after we were married and got increasingly worse and was used to control me and put me in my place while he still looked good. The word sarcasm comes from a Greek word which means tearing of the flesh. It is abuse I learned. I understand that, even today it&#8217;s used as a communication style on some dating sites. I stay away from anyone who uses it today.\u201d <strong>\u2014Marianne <\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cWhen my children were toddlers and learning how to speak, they would ask daddy questions and he would answer them with sarcasm. They would just look at him, confused. It caused them to be upset and anxious. It was horrible.\u201d <\/span><strong>\u2014Theresa &nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cHe was so sarcastic that I couldn&#8217;t tell what he was serious about and what was just having an imagination. They use sarcasm as an excuse to be completely transparent with you.\u201d <strong>\u2014Kimberely<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cSarcasm was used daily, whether it was a get out of a normal general question they didn&#8217;t want to answer, or it was used as a put down to me, usually in front of others. Others were horrified but I just laughed it off for years&#8230;but that&#8217;s what we do isn&#8217;t it? We spend years trying to help fix them. It affected me quite a lot, but I never showed it, it took a long time to break free and even longer to get some of the words and sentences and even tone of voice used out of my head.\u201d <strong>\u2014Laura<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cI feel sarcasm was used to manipulate and control me when I confronted him about issues and deal breakers. He would use sarcasm to belittle and shame me and keep me from confronting him.\u201d <strong>\u2014MB<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cThe father of my four children made sarcastic jokes to insult me. After I&#8217;d left him, and while he was still sexually abusing me at my mom&#8217;s house, he tested this joke out on me and posted it to Twitter: &#8220;I met a girl who doesn&#8217;t have a nose ring. <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Very exotic<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.&#8221; I do have a nose ring, so he was making fun of me publicly and letting me know that he was seeing someone else while still having non-consensual sex with me. He enjoyed finding indirect ways to upset me.\u201d <strong>\u2014Joy<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cSarcasm can be used as part of gaslighting where it seems like a compliment, but it also minimizes an accomplishment or quality. This can take on characteristics of gaslighting and negging as well because the sarcasm is not intended to be obvious but to\u202fplant seeds of doubt in the person\u2019s self-esteem.&#8221;<strong>\u2014Amy<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cMy ex used sarcasm but with deadpan delivery so you could be the fool, or butt of the joke if you didn\u2019t understand. At first not at all and then all day to make fun of me or provoke me to react. Little digs making a toxic environment and keeping me on edge. Highlighting my insecurities and ramping them up. Interspersed with a compliment here and there to keep me from leaving.\u201d <strong>\u2013RC<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cThey would say, \u201cSo I guess <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">you\u2019re<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> perfect.\u201d This was blameshifting sarcasm when there is irrefutable evidence that they are in the wrong. Instead of addressing the problem and apologizing, they use sarcasm to try to put the person who called them out on the defensive.\u201d <strong>\u2014Angela <\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cMy ex used sarcasm as a gaslighting tactic. Things like \u201cOh yeah, <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">sure it happened that way<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201d and similar phrases whenever I tried to remind him how something really happened. He was trying to gaslight me into believing that my experience of the situation was wrong. I absolutely believe that it was a belittling tactic and it made me feel completely dismissed and disrespected. And of course, whenever I dared to be sarcastic while speaking to him, I was punished with violent outbursts because how dare I give him a taste of his own medicine?\u201d <strong>\u2014Sofia <\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cThey would say things like, \u201cOh yeah, like you even care.\u201d\u202f When obviously I know that I do and did. I know my own feelings and emotions.\u202f Or they would say, \u201cNo, that wasn\u2019t a real insult, it was sarcasm, can\u2019t you take a joke?\u201d\u202f No, because jokes should make people laugh, not hurt.\u202f Or things like \u201cSure, you\u2019ll do that, just like you did x.\u201d They would gaslight me and reference something that they claimed never happened was done but in fact WAS done or did happen, just not to <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">their <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">perfect standards &#8211; so to them it didn\u2019t count.\u201d <strong>\u2014Tres <\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cSarcasm was used to degrade\/belittle me. For example, he would say things like, \u2018Some people collect antics, some collect pushchairs\u2019 or \u2018You didn\u2019t even know your vagina had a hole.\u2019 Soon after an argument where he was verbally very nasty and abusive, he would make a silly, unexpected joke that made me slightly laugh then say, \u201cAt least I can still make you laugh.\u201d I saw sarcasm was widely used in his family too&nbsp; as a way to belittle each other\u2019s gift choices\/way of being and seemed to an acceptable way of demeaning each other. As long as it was communicated indirectly it was accepted (rather than having an honest conversation or setting a boundary with each other). He asked me what meal I wanted for my birthday as he would cook it, when I said what I wanted, his comment was: \u2018Really, you must be joking, is that simple thing you want to eat for a birthday meal, come on.\u2019 He expressed this to his young nephew, too when he learned that his nephew wanted a special garlic bread for birthday meal.\u201d <\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\"><strong>\u2014Lydia<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cSarcasm is used specifically to gaslight you, make you feel crazy, and let them get away with whatever horrible sarcastic comment they made to purposely hurt you, then avoid accountability by saying \u201cIt was a joke. You can\u2019t take a joke.\u201d They\u202f blame you in the end. I\u2019ll add that this doesn\u2019t relate to only partners as I\u2019ve seen \u201cfriends\u201d do this too. There is never a willingness to understand another person\u2019s feelings or validate them in any way.\u201d <strong>\u2014Henrietta<\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cSarcasm was always used as a manipulation and gaslighting tactic in order to get me to doubt or to invalidate my feelings. It was a passive aggressive way to attack me and let me know that they were somehow bothered by me.\u201d <strong>\u2014DJ Empress<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cHe would say things like, \u2018Well\u2026I\u2019m sure even <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">you <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">wouldn\u2019t want to live in a house with blinds that were so uneven in the windows.\u2019 This was said in an uber-sarcastic tone for the millionth time, as a way to try to manipulate me to make the mini-blinds even, which was really an attempt to de-stabilize and gaslight me so he could have more control. It\u2019s the small controlling comments like this and the way he wanted the doorknobs closed so they wouldn\u2019t make a sound\u2026these were the entry-levels of his attempts to control me. These entry-level digs allowed me to become both confused, gaslit and numb as the abuse escalated. Sarcasm is mean-spirited at best, abusive in the hands of a narcissist.\u201d <strong>\u2014Rae<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cNot a romance, but a friendship. Sarcasm used to knock me down a peg under the guise of teasing. Also used in extended \u201cbits\u201d to poke at vulnerable areas like family or work dynamics. Every chance she had.\u201d <strong>\u2014Tiana <\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cSarcasm was used infrequently enough in front of friends for the purpose of making me look insecure. I remember privately telling the narcissist about how I was bullied in grade school because of my teeth. The narcissist brought this up at a lunch date with friends and everyone started laughing. I gave her a look and she started saying, \u201cWell you were the one who brought it up. I thought that meant you could laugh about it now. Come on, chill I was just teasing.\u201d I guess this was a form of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/shahida-arabi\/2023\/02\/how-narcissists-use-dog-whistling-to-covertly-abuse-you-signs-youre-experiencing-this-dangerous-manipulation-method\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">dog-whistling<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\"> too. I would just get quiet after this, and the sarcasm would continue like \u201cWhy are you quiet?\u201d Knowing damn well why I was quiet and just wanted to be left alone. This happened almost every time we went out with friends.\u201d <strong>\u2014Heyoka<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cThere were public sarcastic digs about a year or two in. To the point where even his mother said something to him to defend me (even when I did not)! She is my hero\u2014it woke me up.\u201d <strong>\u2014Lisa<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"psychopaths-can-use-sarcasm-to-threaten-others\"><span class=\"TextRun MacChromeBold SCXW216413924 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW216413924 BCX0\">Psychopaths<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW216413924 BCX0\"> can use sarcasm to threaten <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW216413924 BCX0\">others.<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span class=\"TextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">\u201cI was <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">impacted<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> by a <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW127444430 BCX0\">psychopath<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> that used psychosexual abuse, exploitation, psychological warfare, and <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">likely war<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> of attrition. They would use sarcasm through looks, cruelly forcing me to survive, threats to my life, terrorizing me and making scary faces, threats to <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">animals and neighbors<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> and community. They would use sarcasm when they threatened to stab me in my uterus or terrorize me with weapons around the home. I also experienced coercion and manipulation and behavior modification in what I wore, how I looked, and even what I ate. My <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW127444430 BCX0\">psychopath<\/span> <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">literally got<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> off on terrorizing me and his eyes would turn <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">black. My <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW127444430 BCX0\">psychopath<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> would terrorize me along with his family that I was experiencing Stockholm syndrome. He terrorized me by saying that I poisoned him when I had already questioned if he had poisoned <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW127444430 BCX0\">me<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\"> and I believe he did.\u201d <strong>\u2014<\/strong><\/span><strong><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW127444430 BCX0\">Frankie<\/span><\/strong><\/span><strong><span class=\"EOP SCXW127444430 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"sarcasm-can-be-used-for-mockery-and-belittling\"><span class=\"TextRun MacChromeBold SCXW22730699 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW22730699 BCX0\">Sarcasm can be used for <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW22730699 BCX0\">mockery and <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW22730699 BCX0\">belittling.<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201c<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">He would make fun of my voice, imitating me in that stereotypical valley girl, dumb kind of way. Then tell me I am smart when I say I don\u2019t like it.\u202fHe would speak to me really slowly, in a deadly calm, angry tone, to indicate I was just so stupid and to imply <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">I just wasn\u2019t getting it<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">.\u202fWhen I asked for respect in the way he spoke to me, he would respond, \u201cYou act like an entitled princess. when you start acting like a queen, I\u2019ll treat you like one.\u201d <strong>\u2014Danielle <\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cIf I said I was praying for someone or about a situation, he would say, in a mocking, sing-song way. \u2018Go talk to your invisible sky daddy.\u2019 This was when he touted himself as an atheist on social media. He was always pretending to be something&#8230;a\u202fBuddhist, atheist, Ram Dass follower, pagan, Satanic enthusiast, Guru&#8230;whatever he felt would give him the most attention\/supply. He ALWAYS espoused to be the authority on any spiritual belief.\u201d <strong>\u2014Gail<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cMine used to call me with a despising tone, \u2018Mother Teresa.\u2019 In his mouth it was sarcasm. At the time I had no idea why. Now I know he was jealous of the person I am. I am totally opposite to what he is, even though that is what attracted him in the first\u202fplace. Those words were meant to make me feel ashamed of being a nice and loving person without a second thought or personal interest in using people. For him, being nice to someone is only a means to abuse that someone.\u201d <strong>\u2014Catherine<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cConstantly cutting me down and abusive boiling rage. Just hearing \u201cOh yeah, well\u2026\u201d In that inflection was violence.\u201d <strong>\u2014Rebecca <\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cI was love bombed by one after my divorce and I fell for all the BS. He used sarcasm to demean my interests, my tattoos, my dogs, my friends on social media. It was negging and done with a \u2018I am just joking\u2019 attitude.\u201d <strong>\u2014Dani S. <\/strong><\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cAfter the love bombing phase, I was told that I was literal all the time and they (2 men from two different relationships) used sarcasm to make fun of something I meant, or to make fun of an earnest response to something they meant as rhetorical. It made me feel stupid for a number of reasons and they felt superior. I felt stupid for taking something that they said seriously and trying to answer with investment if what I had brought up was treated sarcastically and I didn&#8217;t pick up on the sarcasm. I was made to feel stupid if I had to ask if they were being sarcastic about other things because I couldn&#8217;t pick up on tone. I&#8217;ve never had this issue before with friends, just these two men I dated.\u201d <strong>\u2014Jenn<\/strong><\/span><strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"a-reminder-about-sarcasm-in-toxic-relationships\">A Reminder About Sarcasm In Toxic Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">If you are in a relationship with a psychopath or a malignant narcissist, you are not alone, and help is out there. Remember that healthy partners are not condescending or belittling. You deserve to be respected in your relationships. You may want to process your <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/shahida-arabi\/2023\/01\/relationships-with-narcissists-can-cause-ptsd-symptoms-a-new-research-study-finds\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">traumas<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">with a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/shahida-arabi\/2018\/06\/what-dialectical-behavior-therapy-is-and-how-it-can-save-your-life\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">mental health professional<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">and seek support. You deserve healing and freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sarcasm can be used to gaslight and can escalate during the relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":108403724,"featured_media":1179684,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"thoughtcatalog_call_to_action":"","tc_post_redirect":"","thoughtcatalog_is_sponsored_content":"0","footnotes":""},"categories":[603229912],"tags":[],"anchortext":[],"posttemplate":[],"adcampaign":[],"coauthors":[251985673],"class_list":["post-1179681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/2025-12-15-Woman-Touching-Face-Wind-Blown-Hair-Heart-On-Her-Neck-Reflection.jpg.jpg","author_meta":null,"photo_credit":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1179681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/108403724"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1179681"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1179681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1179686,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1179681\/revisions\/1179686"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1179684"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1179681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1179681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1179681"},{"taxonomy":"anchortext","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/anchortext?post=1179681"},{"taxonomy":"posttemplate","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posttemplate?post=1179681"},{"taxonomy":"adcampaign","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adcampaign?post=1179681"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=1179681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}