{"id":1179723,"date":"2026-01-02T15:30:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-02T20:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/?p=1179723"},"modified":"2025-12-30T11:32:49","modified_gmt":"2025-12-30T16:32:49","slug":"5-things-we-need-to-stop-expecting-our-significant-others-to-just-get","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/heidi-priebe\/2026\/01\/5-things-we-need-to-stop-expecting-our-significant-others-to-just-get\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Things We Need To Stop Expecting Our Significant Others To \u201cJust Get\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We\u2019ve all been brought up on \u201cDating Scripts:\u201d That is, a set of absurd guidelines dictating how we ought to behave in a relationship. The scripts are battered, outdated and incomplete and yet we cling to them like lifelines because they advocate that someday our lives are going to blossom into a Nicholas Sparks novel if only we follow them religiously. There is no need for honest communication in a Nicholas Sparks novel. The hunky love interest can totally read your mind and he knows that ugh, it\u2019s fine<\/em> actually means \u201cPlease whisk me away to your lake house where we\u2019ll make sweet love until you forget all about your stuffy finance who never kissed you in the rain quite the way that I, Ryan Gosling, did.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately (or very fortunately depending on how you look at it), life is not a Nicholas Sparks novel. It\u2019s also not a rom-com, a TV drama or a porno. Despite our desperate attempts to recreate the things we see in Hollywood, we are never going to be in a successful relationship if we keep expecting our partners to just get<\/em> everything that\u2019s going on in our heads without us having to say it. If we want to make any real, off-screen relationship function, here are a few things we need to start clearing up ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Our definition of \u201cRomance\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I know that talking<\/em> about romance takes some of the fun out of it. It\u2019s supposed to be spontaneous, unprecedented and from the heart, right? Right. Except the part we get stuck on is defining it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is an intimate dinner at home the epitome of romance or is a sharply-dressed night on the town more your speed? Do you want roses to commemorate your half-year anniversary or are you content to let that day pass you by? It\u2019s better to talk about it once than face unprecedented disappointment each time an occasion slips away without the celebration you were hoping for. For some people, a quiet night at home is<\/em> romantic. For others, it takes elaborate gestures and relentless reminders of love. Knowing how to give love the way someone wants to receive it is not a natural instinct. We have to actually communicate that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. The meaning behind our passive-aggressive comments.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Yes it is incredibly frustrating to be misunderstood by a partner to the point where reverse psychology seems like the only option. That\u2019s how the language of passive aggressiveness was born. But the more we feed into it the more we aggravate both each other and ourselves.
\u2028I\u2019ve conducted minimal research but I\u2019d guess that about 5% of passive-aggressive comments are ignored because the receiver doesn\u2019t understand that it\u2019s fine<\/em> actually means something else, and the remaining 95% of comments are ignored because ain\u2019t nobody got time to deal with that melodrama. If something is not fine, the best and most straightforward response is \u201cThis is not fine, and here is what is wrong.\u201d If you find you have to use that phrase way too often it may be your relationship \u2014 not your vocabulary \u2014 that needs some reworking. \u2028<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Our sexual fantasies.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There is a problematic gap between the amount of porn we are exposed to growing up and the amount of sexual education we are exposed to. Porn has helped us assume that all sexual partners have the same fetishes as us and there is no need to ever chat about preferences, consent or expectations. This is untrue. It is also untrue that what\u2019s good for the goose is always good for the gander (and vice versa).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Realistically, nobody knows how to get us off like ourselves. If we could only learn to ask things of each other, discuss our bodies comfortably and get it on like adults instead of teenage boys in porno films, we\u2019d all be a little better off. Just because one party is satisfied does not mean the other one had an equally good time. Fake-orgasm scripts are not the ones that anyone wants to be reciting by default.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. How we approach conflicts.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a natural human inclination to want to help others with their problems. So when you come home after a long, stressful day and just want to vent, the best way to preface this is by saying \u201cI just want to vent.\u201d It\u2019s simple and seemingly obvious, but it can clear up a lot of potential misunderstandings about where the conversation is going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beyond the focus of the everyday concerns, it\u2019s important to let each other know how we like to be dealt with in our especially heated moments. When you say, \u201cI need some space\u201d does it mean get the hell out of my apartment<\/em> or does it mean hold me close and promise to never go away?<\/em> It\u2019s an important distinction. Talking about our confrontation styles isn\u2019t a particularly enjoyable conversation to have at the beginning of a relationship but it saves us a whole world of hell when the first conflict arises. \u2028<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. What we want from the future.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Remember that scene from (500) Days of Summer<\/em> where Joseph Gordon-Levitt\u2019s infant sister had to give him a bitch-slap in the feelings for not taking Summer seriously when she said \u201cI don\u2019t want a relationship?\u201d Don\u2019t let that be you. Don\u2019t you ever be the Tom of your own life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2028Starting off a relationship by assuming that all parties are on the same page is an incredibly risky assumption. It\u2019s how people end up three years into a relationship nervously awaiting a proposal from someone who is hell-bent against the institution of marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s becoming increasingly common for people to fall into relationships without talking about what the term \u201crelationship\u201d actually means to them. Is it monogamy? Long-term commitment? A merging of two families and friend groups? Or is it just someone to hang out with when you\u2019re bored and have semi-regular sex with? Talking about these things has become taboo for all the wrong reasons. We\u2019re so afraid of rejection that we\u2019d rather just let rejection happen to us indirectly than speak up about our desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more we talk about our needs, the more they are fulfilled. It\u2019s a simple solution to a complex problem. And it\u2019s a pretty good alternate to endlessly whining about things our significant others will just never get.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The more we talk about our needs, the more they are fulfilled.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":114678431,"featured_media":1179726,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"thoughtcatalog_call_to_action":"","tc_post_redirect":"","thoughtcatalog_is_sponsored_content":"0","footnotes":""},"categories":[603229912],"tags":[],"anchortext":[],"posttemplate":[],"adcampaign":[],"coauthors":[219077519],"class_list":["post-1179723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/2025-12-12-Woman-Playing-Piano-Man-Holding-Newborn-Holiday-Family-Milestone.jpg","author_meta":null,"photo_credit":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1179723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/114678431"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1179723"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1179723\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1179727,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1179723\/revisions\/1179727"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1179726"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1179723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1179723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1179723"},{"taxonomy":"anchortext","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/anchortext?post=1179723"},{"taxonomy":"posttemplate","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posttemplate?post=1179723"},{"taxonomy":"adcampaign","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adcampaign?post=1179723"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=1179723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}