{"id":531095,"date":"2015-10-25T10:00:24","date_gmt":"2015-10-25T14:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/?p=531095"},"modified":"2022-01-30T15:10:36","modified_gmt":"2022-01-30T20:10:36","slug":"15-relationship-non-negotiables-i-wish-id-demanded-sooner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/chelsea-fagan\/2015\/10\/15-relationship-non-negotiables-i-wish-id-demanded-sooner\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Relationship Non-Negotiables I Wish I\u2019d Demanded Sooner"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

1. No petty jealousy.<\/strong> Sometimes jealousy is a real \u2013 and unavoidable \u2013 human emotion, and can be totally rational. And it can even be a little flattering. But people who define their relationships by their irrational jealousy, and who are incapable of being trusting, shouldn\u2019t be in a relationship until they work through that themselves.<\/p>\n

2. Passionate about their dreams.<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s career-based, or a personal achievement\/passion. All that matters is that they have something in mind that\u2019s bigger than today, and bigger than themselves, and they follow it with vigor.<\/p>\n

3. Supportive of my dreams, too.<\/strong> If there isn\u2019t room for two people with big horizons in a relationship, it means the relationship is too small.<\/p>\n

\"Twenty20
Twenty20 \/ stephbarcenas<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

4. Curious about things they don\u2019t know, haven\u2019t seen, or haven\u2019t tried.<\/strong> People who shut down about anything from fruity cocktails to travel in a foreign country are probably not going to open up like rosebuds as they age. It\u2019s probably going to only be more tightly closed from now through indefinitely, and who wants that?<\/p>\n

5. No fragile masculinity.<\/strong> If something is perceived as \u201cgirly\u201d or \u201cgay,\u201d that is only a reflection on the perceiver and not on the object itself. A guy who is afraid to wear something fashionable or engage an activity that doesn\u2019t perfectly fit the norms of culturally-accepted masculinity is just, for lack of a better word, boring as shit.<\/p>\n

6. Friend to cool people. <\/strong>I\u2019m sorry, if a guy\u2019s bros are just entirely uncool and he is a completely different person with them as opposed to with you, that\u2019s probably a sign you aren\u2019t meant to be together. We\u2019ve all totally morphed our personality to be able to hang with \u201cthe guys,\u201d and we know how painful and not-sustainable it is. So you might as well find someone with awesome friends.<\/p>\n

7. Matching levels of cleanliness.<\/strong> I\u2019m not a neat freak by any stretch, but I generally do the dishes within the day, and like things to have a moderate level of organization at all times. If you are a neat freak, be with a neat freak. If you are a bit of a pig, find another pig to root around with. But don\u2019t ever be with someone several leagues out of your level of cleanliness, one way or the other.<\/p>\n

8. A fair fighter.<\/strong> Anyone who dives straight below the belt is a bad move, but anyone who refuses to engage in any kind of conflict because they\u2019d rather avoid confrontation at all costs is probably not going to be a good fit, either.<\/p>\n

9. Honest about what they actually want out of a relationship.<\/strong> Maybe some people are okay with floating in the ether of ~what are we~ for months or even years on end. But for me and, I suspect, many people like me, having a clear idea of what everyone\u2019s long-term plans are somewhat up front is a huge factor in entering the relationship. Because once you catch those feelings, they can\u2019t be un-caught.<\/p>\n

10. Good with parents.<\/strong> And, similarly, good with children. Just generally a good sport about having to be in important-yet-not-always-ideal situations, including extended family at holidays and people from high school you run into at the bar on Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n

11. Okay with laughing when genuinely funny shit happens, even if it\u2019s somewhere awful like in the bedroom.<\/strong> A guy who can\u2019t laugh at himself \u2013 and appreciate the humor in things, regardless of its source \u2013 probably won\u2019t be much fun long-term.<\/p>\n

12. Doesn\u2019t judge your music.<\/strong> (Okay, maybe a little bit, but only the fact that you listened to \u201cTimber\u201d so much last year.)<\/p>\n

13. Respectful of their exes.<\/strong> Generally, anyone who is going to be talking serious shit about all of their exes and\/or spilling their darkest secrets is someone you don\u2019t want to be trusting with your heart, because what are they going to do if and when you break up? I guess you can just never, ever break up with them so they don\u2019t tell everyone about that one night at the canal.<\/p>\n

14. Knows the power of a surprise.<\/strong> A well-placed breakfast in bed or \u201cno-reason\u201d bouquet every now and again is one of the most powerful tools in a relationship arsenal.<\/p>\n

15. A good sport.<\/strong> The most important quality in anyone, probably, but definitely someone for a long-term relationship, is their ability to just be a trooper. To muscle through shit and do what needs to be done, and not spend the whole time either complaining or guilt tripping. A guy who just figures it out and makes the best of it, in everything from carpentry to social activities, is the ultimate keeper. Anyone you settle down with needs to be a trooper. \"Thought<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Curious about things they don\u2019t know, haven\u2019t seen, or haven\u2019t tried. People who shut down about anything from fruity cocktails to travel in a foreign country are probably not going to open up like rosebuds as they age.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36132341,"featured_media":1066976,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"thoughtcatalog_call_to_action":"","tc_post_redirect":"","thoughtcatalog_is_sponsored_content":"0","footnotes":""},"categories":[603230228],"tags":[603195687],"anchortext":[603229727],"posttemplate":[603196126],"adcampaign":[],"coauthors":[178686843],"class_list":["post-531095","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random","tag-romance","featured_content-nrml"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/christopher-alvarenga-W2HqRXNgO6k-unsplash.jpg","author_meta":null,"photo_credit":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531095","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/36132341"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=531095"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531095\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1066977,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531095\/revisions\/1066977"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1066976"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=531095"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=531095"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=531095"},{"taxonomy":"anchortext","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/anchortext?post=531095"},{"taxonomy":"posttemplate","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posttemplate?post=531095"},{"taxonomy":"adcampaign","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adcampaign?post=531095"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=531095"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}